Dauntless Pacifist: The Hidden World
by Xsnowhite1012X
Summary: The world is a dangerous place for those unprepared..
1. Exploring The Darkness

The wind penetrating my hoodie is the first sign I notice, the night was finally crawling though. Let them say what they want, let them waste their breath on endless tortures that lay only on pale skin. Let them scream all they want that we are enslaved by the world around us because this is freedom. A laugh escapes my lips as we plough though the hills, dancing thought the blades of grass. Not a thought crossed my mind about how I was 'wasting my time'. I knew this place was perfect, another gut instinct. Another win for me. I look over to my refuge, my safety. My protector. He's smiling, tight hair wind blown and as wild as ever. No longer tucked away within his helmet which I now wear.

He is holding up my universe as the engine reeves to life, bringing chills to my spine. And suddenly it was all over just like that. The wind stopped. The calm died down and my voice was taken over by something, that was not my own. The world slowed down to final halt. The scream echoes beyond the hills and the sea. 'This wasn't meant to happen' I think as my blood imprints itself onto tarmac and gain. I'm holding too tight, I'm loosing my will to fight the pain and the darkness. It's too late for us and the wind is now so slow. Opening my eyes I realise now that it's all over. Red stained hands and no air in my lungs I look to my refuge for support. Red limbed and white skinned I move in slow motion towards his lifeless form. He's within the wreckage. Hidden away under stained metallic pistons and sober cylinders. Pulling the metal aside I cradle his dark hair in my arms. Pressure on his bleeding chest, his eyes so green but impossibly empty. Panicking I check for a pulse but I can see the growing darkness within him seeking though my fingers. Dark pools of red surround me and the lifeless boy I love..

I clutch my own chest as my heart heaves, heavy at the sudden realisation. My loss. Everything is lost, because he is, was, my everything. Holding his empty body and broken body in my arms I weep a thousand tears. Screaming for hours until the paramedics find us in shambles. I won't leave him - ever.


	2. To Be or not To Be

p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="edb819924d10b229ed9316828299a1bd""Be more like an animal" I tilt my head on confusion. "Break down your wall of emotionlessness and" She paused for dramatic affect "do, pointless things." I let my head bow and began to laugh uncontrollably./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="85575c6b61803f5c868d290d7171caca""You really expect me to believe this?" I ask expecting a surprised expression. "This is completely ridiculous! I mean, seriously, who comes up with 'be more like an animal?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7ebf8195a8b55fa7a987427c51ac9bba"She smiles quantity and puts down her pad and paper. "Being more like an animal means to rely more on your instincts and trying not to overthink things as much." Her eyes look as if they have untouched meaning behind them but I still don't understand. "The way you are feeling is a condition called 'emotional flatlining' which is often experienced after a traumatic experience. And to 'do pointless things' means to not seek meaning for acting which goes back to 'be more like an animal'. Don't you see?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="bcd13adfbf259e4c75e802630de8eb41"I sigh, frustrated by my own progress and her seeming lack of understanding. Overtime I've realised that revisiting the past only brings me pain, mostly because he's there. She gets up as we both realise that our time's up. Over, just like Christian's life. When I push past the door I fall into the arms of another tear streaked face but only this time, I welcome it. Kailah arms offer a warm embrace which starkly contrasts the cold, sterile room./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="9aa2579395e1278b17651e8953c303d7"Stiff hands on the wheel, we drive away in still silence which is sadly still and improvement against the white noise of therapy. Noticing my downcast shadow she attempts to make light conversation as we move, "So, there's this book where the character lives multitudes of lives and eventually they all become identical to him. By the time it happens, he believes he'll never know himself the same way again but he doesn't know that after everything that has happened in all his lifetimes, he could still be loved." She glances, concerned "Long story short, eventually he meets this girl who despite loving his flaws, believes him to be beautiful. Accepting him as he is with flaws and all."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="7b8a4a6c13de9fafa02b2610ff644ef3""This isn't another Twilight reference is it?" She lets out a historical clatter of cords. We stop at a red light. "If you're going to look at me like that, at least tell me what you see?" She doesn't reply. "Nothing, no identity, no awareness of self. I am, a ghost."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-size: 18px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="39c539402235373e38d023a3b61259d4""All lives are important, all hearts are broken." She riddles, giving a bitterly sad smile. I know she's trying her hardest but it seems pointless in a way. I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. Its been six months and still nothing, I have felt nothing. I feel as hollow as a shell: guess that's why I have to do pointless things according to my therapist./p 


	3. Fleeting Progress

It's been a longtime now. Christian is no longer in my mind every waking hour and second of the day. This month has stretched on forever, he died a year ago to this day. I pull out my pen and begin to write: a lament to him, wishing him peace in rest. "I am so sorry. With every shard of my broken heard I will always miss you. The unforgettable times we spent together can never be replaced. For everyday I walk upon this earth, you never slip my mind once, it would be so different if you were here. It's sometimes still hard for me, remembering you're gone and how I could have saved you. Only I didn't, I arrived a second too late and I still can't seem to forgive myself. I miss you with every breath I grieve you more than words can express. It has been a year since you left my life and this world of mine. I have kept all your things as you would have wanted but they take up the smallest fraction of space and it's still not enough to fill the gaping hole you left in my heart. It was never your fault and I wish things could go back to the simple way that they were when it was us. Just the two of us. I wanted to leave too, because of you... But I know better now. I know I have to live on because you never got that chance. So here's to you, the best boyfriend I could ever dream of, the best person who could ever be. Another year, goodbye." I place my head upon the desk, wallowing in my drenched paper and ink. I can no longer hold myself together and so the darkness finds me when I'm at my most vulnerable.


End file.
